I moved into my flat today. There’s 3 other people in there so far. There’s 2 girls and a boy, we’ll call them *Tom, *Emily and *Josie. Josie is really nice but I think she’s older and i think she’ll probably keep to herself mostly. Tom and Emily know each other from back home and they seem a bit like they’re the elite so while they’re nice i’m getting a vibe from them you know. Maybe it’s just me but I’m so desperate for it not to go like it did last year. There’s two more people to move in yet, there’s a guy called *John and I’ve spoken to him he seems nice.I don’t know who else probably another guy.

And I feel awful right now because i’m scared it’s gonna be the same as last year where I ended up with no friends because they were all dicks who banded together. I just wanna know if everything will turn out okay because i feel really alone and I don’t know if i can cope if it ends up like last year all over again. I just wanna get this week over with and then i can settle in and do my own thing you know.

Maybe i’m overreacting I don’t know but i’m just homesick and lonely and terrible at meeting new people you know I put on a fake smile and be friendly but it’s so stressful for me inside I can’t be comfortable around people and I just want to cry. I just want uni to start then at least i’m out all day and not the person who hangs out in her room because I do like being alone i’m quite a solitary person and I don’t want to alienate myself but it’s hard to integrate when i don’t know what people think and I wish I could see into the future to see how this is going. If it does end up going shit again like last time then I’m never living in halls again, I’ve done it twice now and started over twice and the emotional upheaval is so hard so I’ll live at home and commute if I have to because I only live 10 miles from uni and I now have a car so I can drive there each day it wouldn’t be hard apart from traffic but I can’t keep upsetting myself. I think *Josie seems quite solitary too but I don’t know but I suppose I could hang with her I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m doing tonight in terms of going out I don’t know if anything’s planned and if so then where and I can’t just turn up at a random person’s flat because I don’t know anyone else in my building at the moment

Part of me wishes I’d have moved in last night because then I could have met people last night but I was dithering so much about going that my mum made the decision for me not to go.

nobody needs to comment this is just me venting I needed to get my feelings out.
*names changed

i hope I feel better soon

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I finally got my car.
I’d seen this car a few weeks ago and I was looking on auto trader again on Wednesday and it was still on there to my surprise. My mum had been in a good mood on that day so I asked her if I could go for a test drive and she agreed but she wanted to sort out how I would pay for it. Once we’d agreed on that we went for a test drive and I really liked the car so I put a deposit down on it and we agreed I’d pick it up friday.

I got a pretty good deal on it, it’s a 2007 Renault Clio 1.2 3DR Hatchback which I got for £3750. It’s the new shape which I really like and I think the reason it was so cheap for such a new car is because of it’s mileage. it’s done 71000 miles in 2 and a half years which is a lot for a car but I’m not going to be running about a lot and putting mileage on myself so it’s fine. It’s got a full service history too it’s had 6 services so I know it’s running pretty good. The only thing is it has its first MOT (which is a test) in December so I’m a bit worried about what they might find (eg, if it needs 4 new tyres)

I also have to tax it in December too (it came with 2 months tax) but my dad generously offered to pay that (it’s £120 so it’s not too bad). My insurance- as expected- was through the roof at £1271 D:

I’m still getting used to the controls, I have no idea how to take the child lock off the passenger door, I keep stalling and I don’t know how to lock the door from the inside either. On Saturday I gave it a thorough deep clean as when I was driving my car I was getting a weird smell which I identified as wet dog (it confirmed my suspicions when I saw dog hair down the side of the seat) so I cleaned it from top to bottom all the upholstery and the boot and everything. It smells better now, there’s a faint whiff when I turn the air con on but I’m not sure if the air filters need changing too -.-

I’m a bit pissed off though at the moment. I was meant to get paid on Friday and I didn’t! and to top it off my accommodation took out my rent. I only had £200 in my account and a £500 interest free overdraft and they took out £1500 so i was -£1700 and the bank was threatening to charge me for going over even though it wasn’t my fault so my mum had to lend me £1500 so overall she’s lent me £6000 since Friday.

Apart from that I move into my accommodation next Saturday which I’m not too apprehensive about although I daresay I will towards the end of this week so I’ve got quite a bit of packing to do this week. I moved some of my stuff in today just to get myself sorted but I’ve still got quite a few things to take up later in the week.

Updates
I’ve added three tutorials so far all related to BellaBuzz

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It seems to many on the online and offline world that I’ve been MIA. The truth is I’ve been ill since I last blogged.

I thought I had a migraine at first, seeing as I woke up with a really bad pounding headache last Monday and I am prone to migraines, but I started getting fever and the chills and then I started throwing up as well and I stopped eating so then we made a doctors appointment. Then I got an epic pain in my side when I breathed which the doctor said was a kidney infection. I’m on antibiotics for a week now but I’m feeling much better. I did have to have the week off work though which means I lost out on quite a bit of pay.
On the flipside though the loss of appetite did cause me to lose 4lbs although I’ve since put back 1.5lbs since I started eating again so I’ve lost a total of 12lbs since March.

I had to have a filling today as well which wasn’t pleasant, I’ve had a local anaesthetic before and I hate how they numb everything, the right side of my tongue and my lip has been numb for the last 6 hours it’s only just coming back now. I know I’ll have to have another soon when I get my wisdom tooth out.

I’ve finished work now until the 28th so that’s good and I’m going to try and spend some time updating. i might do some writing this afternoon because I’ve had no chance with being ill. I spent the days in bed. I couldn’t even watch tv because of the headache.

In the meantime you can see any recent updates on the sidebar and on twitter and I will post any at the top of this blog as they appear

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I’ve finally finished my layout! It’s taken me forever to do but I’m pretty pleased at the outcome. The craters could have been a bit better and I now realise how hard it is to draw girls curves on Photoshop, and hair. In fact pretty much all of it. I used Catherine’s tutorial for the people. The layout is based on a song Saving Grace – The Maine and this is my interpretation of that line of the song.

I’ve also opened my writing portfolio http://rainbowcrush.org which I also did the layout for. I only created a simple layout for that so it wouldn’t detract from the rest of the site. I also took the photograph, which is a place called Collioure that I visited last year.

Now i’ve got the layout up I’m going to be changing a few things around on the site. I’m sure I say this so many times but I forget haha! Yeah I’m getting rid of most of my resources and concentrating on a select few instead.

I finish work next week full time which I’m glad about because it was getting on my nerves. However I’ve got a permanent part time position there for 12 hours a week so I’m really happy about that because I need the money, especially as I want to buy myself a car. I’ve been hunting around for one but I haven’t seen one I like at the moment.

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Thursday was the A level results day, not that that matters to me I got my results last year. Mine weren’t the best but I passed and got into my first choice university.

Anyway I wrote 5 articles about living in halls for the first time, so if you’re going to university this year, or perhaps next year give them a read.

“When living away from home, there are quite a lot of things you will need, even with just the basics, so it’s important to make a list of everything you will need.

Different accommodations will provide you with different essentials so it is important you check with them so that you don’t duplicate what they have already provided.”

In other news I got quite a shock, I’ve been a bit reckless this month with my spending on clothes and i’ve clocked up £376 on my credit card D:
I can pay it off but it’ll take all my money which I’m sorta bummed about, but there’s £69 worth of stuff going back (due to me not liking the style) so I’ll have £69 credit next month and if I’m really good this month (which i’ll have to be else I wont be able to afford my car) then the credit will pay my bill.

I lost another 2 lbs this week. I bought a dress from miss selfridge and I really wanted to buy the size smaller but it didn’t look nice even though it fit so I decided I was really going to get serious with my diet in order to shed the pounds before I go back to university and get the dress took in. It’s proof that weight watchers does work as long as you’re honest about how much you’re eating and your points allowance. I’ve got another 6lbs to lose before I move out in 3 weeks. I’ve taken up hula hooping as well. My waist is incredibly wide for my size (29 inches argh!) so I’m hula hooping to get my waist down.

I’ve not really had a lot of spare time, however I finish work full time on 3rd September which means I can update I’m still trying to tidy our house it’s an epic mess and trying to downsize is a nightmare! Hopefully though I’ll get a lot of it sorted before I move out

In other news I’m still working on the layout, I’m hoping to do a coded layout this weekend and get the story up, I haven’t written it yet but the idea’s there.

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