Blogging has taken a back seat over the last three months, as you can probably tell. I last posted at the beginning the end of January.
In truth, a lot of things have happened in the last three months. I’m struggling even now to figure out what day of the week or even what month we’re in.
I decided shortly after my last post that I would make a serious effort to get a new job. Truth be told I’d been unhappy since last August but insurance problems and then Christmas meant it didn’t really feel like the right time to move.
I found a job soon after, but when I handed my resignation letter to my employer they refused to negotiate my notice period of three months, I’d hoped we could come to an agreement, but they refused to budge.
So I was stuck in a job I didn’t want to be at for 3 months, which sucked and I was unsure if my new employer would wait that long for me, which made me anxious. Furthermore the atmosphere in my working environment started to decline quite rapidly after that and my managers attitude towards me went cold and childish.
Miserable from work I didn’t think things could get much worse, then the morning after my birthday I woke up to 3 missed phone calls from my dad telling me my mum had been rushed into hospital.
The following three weeks were a blur. I spent the first week travelling a 60 mile round trip every night after work to the hospital before she was moved to a hospital closer to me for an operation, and my dad came to stay with us for two weeks, but I visited every night and it felt like groundhog day.
My mum has made a full recovery thankfully but all of the stress I’d endured since February meant that my mental health took a downward turn and I got to the point where I realised I was relapsing.
My anxiety and depression started to control my life again. I struggled in social situations, my thoughts constantly raced looking for the worst in any situation no matter what I chose. I wasn’t sleeping, had no energy or motivation to do anything, but felt helpless to change it, because what was the point of anything. I didn’t feel like me.
It does get better though. I finally started my new job three weeks ago and I feel better than I have done in a long time. I’m really happy, I love going to work and I love my job. My anxiety is still very much there, I panic about replying to emails, the phone ringing makes me freeze, but I’m getting there.
I’ve missed blogging though. I miss writing about things, letting people know what products I rate and what I don’t, I miss the opportunities and events to meet other bloggers (although I’m sure at the height of my anxiety I would probably have declined).
I’m easing back into it slowly. Even though I’ve lots of ideas, I’m only going to perhaps be posting once a week to start off because I don’t want it to become a chore and I want to focus on my mental health. I’m also trying to learn a bit more about blogging and engaging with the social aspect a bit more and growing my following.
Thank you to the followers who’ve stuck by me and I hope any new ones will check back as I get back into the swing of things.